I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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