i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize