I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
