I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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