i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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