Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
