phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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