i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
