Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
