Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
