I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
