I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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