i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
