how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
