i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just cropdusted the office
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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