420 ftw
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
