The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
