Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize