i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
