that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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