I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
