"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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