how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
