I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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