FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
