I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
