is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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