we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
