what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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