every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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