the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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