GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You took a bar mat shot.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
