we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
