My nipple is on Facebook.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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