Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize