When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
