we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
