She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
