Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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