just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
