umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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