I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
