I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
