so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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