yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
