We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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