do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
