took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
