Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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