Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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