you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
