So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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