Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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