Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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