I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
