just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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