I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
