Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
