The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
