I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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