Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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