I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize