i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
