did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
