so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
