dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
