My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
