I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
