i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
