I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
