Who did Billy Mays play for?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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