Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm at about main and main street
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
