I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
