so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
