lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
