so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
