Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
