One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
