I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
