i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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